Sign Of The Times | FREE UPGRADE

“LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT: you got a big bonus at your job; and a client referral coupon, so money’s no object. You’re looking for the most hip and powerful cellphone-slash-mobile device we got, so you can impress your friends and coworkers, is that right? Ok, thought so. Well, sir~ I think you’ll be happy to know I’ve got the perfect fit for a customer of such. . . prestige as yourself. It just hit the shelf today; as a matter of fact, I’m still assembling all the display signage. All right, here you are–my company is proud to be the first to support this new model!”

“What are those things? It doesn’t even look remotely like a cellphone.”

“Sir, you’re right. To call this device a cellphone is like calling a tablet computer a Speak’N’Spell. Oh here, let me help you. See, this part slides over your right hand there, and this

piece is a headband. Yes, the camera faces the front just like that. You got it, and I must say, sir, you .look very savvy wearing that.”

“I do? It’s surprisingly comfortable.”

“Oh, yes sir. You look really cool, to be sure. I am well aware of this new device’s comfort. My company invested millions of dollars in redefining consumer ergonomics just to make this powerful machine supremely comfortable. Those straps aren’t crude elastic, they are made of a micropore neoprene and synthetic biofibre composite–guaranteeing that your skin won’t sweat beneath the bands. It’s all very hip and new, you see.”

“I guess so. But still, I have no idea what it is? Tell me some things about it.”

“The stylish piece of function which currently adorns your person, sir, is the Tripsyx Marq. A little corporate history reveals that this is a new take on a very old idea. When Tripsyx, the programmers, and Babel Datasystems, the architects, put their minds together–this is their construct. Their vision: To. put the most elite aspects of telecommunication, global positioning, social media, datamining, commerce, entertainment, and bio-ware together into one compact, high-powered package. Voila!”

“But what you’re saying is indicative of any smart phone. What sets the Tripsyx apart from every other model here in this store?”

“Good question, sir. Let me just say this: The Marq is a beast! It puts these other cellphones in the dirt. Once you wear the Marq, you may as well just throw your old technology into the fire! Babel Datasystems has a huge transmission tower and several little known low-orbit satellites which patch into a supernet, bringing you posts, updates, streams, and feeds in real-time and in any known language, either dead or alive. As a matter of fact, with the Lucifr agent on your palmscreen, there, the latency goes into the negatives. In other words, because of the most state of the art breakthroughs in predictive delivery systems, you get posts and updates actually moments before they are even released. Sound like magic? I kind of think so. And the best part about it is that 99.99% of what Lucifr tells you is the truth! It’s only that .01% that you got to watch out for. Also, with the Tongues program, you can speak and the headband microphone will pick up, process, and translate your speech into any of Lucifr’s languages. It’s truly incredible.”

“So, you’re telling me that Lucifr speaks in Tongues?”

“Precisely, sir. But wait, there’s more! Facial recog and biometric scanners discreetly increase security for the wearer–your headband and palmscreen actually recognize you and therefore are useless to any would-be thieves. The camera is also patched into Babel’s facial database, monitoring any and every nearby body around you for criminals and terrorists. You don’t have to do anything! It all runs in the background, and alerts local and federal agencies automatically. It does the same thing for license plates, addresses, and can even identify contraband species of flora and fauna. As you travel the land, the evil geniuses at Tripsyx put into effect a four dimensional mapping program, an implement of a global EPS application–or Exact Positioning System·. So not only does it know, for example, which building you’re in and what floor you’re on, but it knows where you’ll be in the next fifteen minutes, all thanks to Lucifr. He just knows everything! All this data goes straight from the Babel Tower to CIA, NSA, FBI, and Interpol databases simultaneously, along with about three dozen other private corporations, so that these people can continue to keep you safe, but at unprecedented levels. Let me ask you something, do you get direct deposit from your place of employment?”

“Why, yes. Yes I do. Why do you ask?”

“Ah, excellent! You are eligible for a complimentary wireless transfer of all your funds into the emerging DWC–or Digital World Currency–which will allow you to make purchases entirely cash-free. Just think about it, you’ll never have to touch dirty money ever again; just scan your palmscreen at any major retailer and the transaction is automatic and complete. Pretty soon, everyone’s going to need a Marq to buy or sell anything! It’s the wave of the future!

“Look, I’m sold. I’ll wear it home, ok?”

“Delighted to hear that, sir, I can ring you up right here. I just need your ID for a moment, ok, it will take just a moment to set it up. Ah, sir, looks like today is your lucky day! It appears that you are also eligible for our exclusive Internal Deviceless Upgrade. This is really cool, totally cutting-edge. If you’ll agree to take part in an introductory trial, I can print you a voucher which you then bring to the clinic listed here, where you will receive a series of three small injections. After that brief discomfort, a potent array of harmless nano-molecular bio-assemblage packets deploy into various nerve sites around your body, enabling your sensory output to patch synchronously with the Babel Tower, thereby allowing you to be at one with Lucifr. It is perfectly safe, I assure you, and merely under trial due to the unknown benefits of having so many potent data nodes, or Daemons, as Tripsyx calls them, simultaneously online. The implications could be tremendous. Quite a revelation.”

“Wow, I don’t know. It all sounds tremendously expensive.”

“If you’ll agree to the Internal Deviceless Upgrade, it takes two weeks to replicate and acquire the optic feed. During that time you may use the crude device you are wearing as a gimme. When you no longer need it, you can give the Marq to a friend or loved-one. The best part, sir, is that Tripsyx agrees to cover any expenses. In other words, the trial is completely free to new subscribers.”

“Oh, great. I’ll take the upgrade!”

Fin

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