A Letter To The Dark Lords

Dear Papa Negra,

Thank you so much for the military-prison-industrial-medico-surveillance complex, and the petro-chemical pharmaceutical cartels. Without them, I don’t know what the world would be like at all! Me and my family would have no one to so effectively structure our lives and make those important decisions for us that we are not qualified to make for ourselves. You have shown us the way to a more totalitarian future where everyone can obey your righteous and increasing laws.

Please, don’t raise the minimum wage, that would be pilfering the coffers of the lawmakers and world rulers–to what end, to feed the masses? That’s a foolish idea, and I wholeheartedly agree that we must do away with that. There is nothing that could more possibly assist your lofty goals than the population reduction agenda, though that will take some time to implement.

While I’m waiting for your immaculate concept to become unrolled for the New World Order over which my highest hopes are that you will continue to rule with an iron fist, please allow me to do the following acts of tribute to your glory:

1.) Allow me to worship Mammon, by working my whole life to further my own personal debt and take out several mortgages from the bank which is in turn bailed-out by the elite thereby creating never-ending debt, the holiest of holies. I shall contribute in tithe upwards of 80% of my life’s earnings and time to aid you in this cause, oh archon of wealth. After all, who needs a God when you have money?

2.) And to Moloch, the Owl, the Bull, allow me to feed in flames my family, my children. I shall burn in effigy to your awesome might my very blood, and create more souls to suffer for your fulfillment. Please take away my responsibility and duty as a father, after all, there is no place for love in the New World Order–such ideas are outdated and useless. Please, allow me to work a minimum wage job cleaning up for the others and contributing nothing to a free-thinking or progressive society, and allow me to pay a fee in the form of child-support so that I am no longer required to fulfill my familial role of being a caretaker and male role model for my children. Oh, I didn’t mean “my” children, I meant your holy sacrifice.

3.) Please keep me entertained with mind-numbing and spirit-crushing television, and maintain a peaceful balance of neurotransmitters in my brain with a customized regime of drugs and propaganda therapy. Your will is absolute and infallible, and I wholeheartedly trust and adore you, oh Dark Father. Please let the Broncos win the superbowl, that would make me extremely happy, because what the Broncos do on television has SO much to do with personal life, feelings, and well-being. Oh, and I don’t want to see GMO labels on food, and please keep the organic stuff out and add more MSG, Aspartame, and High Fructose Corn Syrup to our foods. When so many people are suffering from diabetes, it must clearly help your financial cause when we continue to buy your drugs and syringes.

Also, don’t let the information about why you’re really fighting the wars reach the people. Some have gone so far as to say that the war in Afghanistan was to actually secure the heroin poppy so that the Mexican cartels could continue to sell it to suburban teenagers which creates so many markets and opportunities for furthering your agenda! Well, those people are asking too many questions and should just shut up and watch football. They would be much happier that way. And even if that’s true, then it is a good thing because I believe in what you’re doing–not to us, but FOR US.

We love you, Papa Negra. You are forever, our dark lord.

—A. Dupe


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